Walking away from that toxic person might be the best decision you'll ever make
We’ve all encountered them—the energy-drainers, the manipulators, the ones who leave you feeling worse after every interaction. Toxic people exist in every corner of life: at work, in friendships, and with glaring frequency, in families. And if you’re like most people, you’ve probably spent way too much time wondering, “Is it me?” Let me stop you right there—it’s not.
Defining Toxicity
A toxic person isn’t just someone you don’t get along with. It’s someone whose behavior actively harms your emotional well-being. They thrive on manipulation, drama, and negativity. They gaslight, guilt-trip, and refuse to take accountability. They make you question your own reality and drain you of emotional energy. Relationships characterized by these behaviors can have serious psychological consequences, leading to increased stress, anxiety, and even symptoms of depression.
Consider Michelle (pseudonym), a marketing professional who constantly feels undermined by a toxic co-worker. This colleague takes credit for her work, subtly puts her down in meetings, and spreads rumors about her to others in the office. The emotional toll leaves Sarah questioning her abilities and experiencing burnout, a condition well-documented in psychological studies. Sarah is working with her therapist on firm boundaries and is actively considering a job move to a healthier environment.
The Art of Distancing Yourself
How do you pull away from toxic people without unnecessary drama? It starts with boundaries. And no, not the kind where you say, “Please don’t do that,” and then let them bulldoze over you anyway. I’m talking firm, non-negotiable boundaries that put your well-being first.
It's important to note that setting boundaries with toxic people does not necessarily mean going completely no-contact. The decision to remain in a relationship with a toxic individual depends on personal circumstances and the nature of the relationship itself. The goal is not to cut people off but rather to empower individuals to negotiate the terms of relationships in a way that prioritizes mental health.
1. Recognize the Signs. Toxic people exhibit clear behavioral patterns, including chronic negativity, manipulation, and lack of empathy. If you leave an interaction feeling drained, anxious or devalued, that's a red flag.
2. Set Clear Limits. Stop over-explaining yourself. A simple “I can’t do this anymore” is enough.
3. Stop Playing Their Game. Toxic people thrive on conflict. Don’t engage. Don’t argue. Just walk away.
4. Create Distance. Reduce contact, both physically and emotionally. You don’t owe them access to your life.
5. Expect Resistance. They won’t like your boundaries. That’s their problem, not yours. Many toxic individuals rely on control and manipulation, so they may react with guilt-tripping or gaslighting tactics.
But What If They’re Family?
Ah, the ultimate guilt trip. “But they’re your mother/brother/cousin! Family sticks together!” That kind of thinking keeps people trapped in toxic cycles for years. The truth is, being family is not a free pass for treating you like shit. If a relationship—any relationship—is causing you consistent harm, you have every right to distance yourself.
Consider the case of Mark (pseudonym), a young artist whose mother was emotionally abusive, constantly belittling him and making him feel like he was never enough. Psychological studies confirm that such parental relationships can lead to long-term emotional difficulties, including low self-esteem and anxiety disorders (Krause & Ellison, 2018). Mark’s journey toward emotional independence began with reducing contact and seeking therapy, a step that ultimately led to a an improvement in the quality of his life.
Boundaries aren’t about punishment; they’re about self-preservation. You can love someone and still choose to love them from a distance.
Your Mental Health Comes First
At the end of the day, toxic people don’t deserve a front-row seat in your life. You get to decide who has access to your energy, your time, and your peace. Cutting ties (or even just limiting exposure) isn’t cruel— there are situations where it is necessary for one's psychological and physical safety.
So, if someone consistently makes you feel small, exhausted, or emotionally wrecked, it might be time to let go. Your future self will thank you.